Sober for One Year, My Thoughts

Its been almost one year since I last posted to this blog. My last post announced my alcoholism and my stint of thirty three days in rehab. It was not an easy post to write, but I had been kidding myself for a long time.

What a year it has been. I am clean and sober and have been so now for 377 days as of today. Its a challenge, sometimes a struggle but its amazing how much better my life is.

I would be remiss in not thanking my good friend, Barbee, who drove me to a rehabilitation facility in early May of 2013. She has been friend for over ten years as is always a phone call away.

My life has changed in so many ways.

First, I am finally in a normal relationship with an amazing woman whom I have known for over 13 years. She is my best friend, my rock and soul mate. Our relationship is based upon 3 really simple principles. Romance, Compassion and Fun. We have all three everyday.

My relationship with my kids has improved significantly. They are 17 and 16 now, both drive and are doing well in high school. They will be a senior and a junior next year. While I feel good about being a divorced dad with them for now almost 13 years, I still carry guilt. I was a drunk dad on too many occasions.  Now there are no more lies and my time with them is no longer centered around Dad drinking beer. I am honored to call them Adam and Carlie and am blessed they put up with my bullshit.

My health has improved dramatically. I did not realize it but I was close to stroke, heart problems or even death. My cure for the shakes was just to drink them away . I still shake occasionally, just shows how bad I was. My liver numbers are good, my blood pressure is well in line, I am working out regularly and am not on any medication.

I quit playing live poker and I do not not miss it. Poker equaled drinking beer for me, lots of it. I have poker talent but I drank it away. I lost thousands of dollars at the poker table by playing drunk and making horrendous poker decisions while under the influence. I cant even go to a $10 bar league poker tournament, it just disgusts me.  I do play some legal online poker when in Nevada and still love the game. But I play in a safe environment, from the comfort of my couch.

There are a lot of people I hurt, seriously its a really long list. To all I will make amends. I am better now. To those of you who doubted me, we are no longer friends.

Finally for you, Alcohol, I hate you. I think I still loved you when I first got sober. Its over now, your smell disgusts me, the things I see you do to people hurts me. Sloppy drunk women used to turn me on, now its gross. Watching people who get whacked out drunk makes me want to throw up. Your evil for me and you know it, but I am better than you.