Sober for two years

Today marks a really eventful day in my sobriety, two years ago today, I made the call and checked into rehab. I was a lost soul, dependent on the bottle to survive everyday and eventually the bottle was going to put me in the grave.  I was a bar fly, a regular, known as a drunk and did all the wrongs someone in that condition would do.  I work everyday to be a better person. in my recovery.

I am a day counter, look at my Sobriety Calculator on my phone to count the days, every morning, it just works for me.

I like to reflect on these big accomplishments and how my life has changed so much for the better.

1) Communication- I can actually carry on a normal, non-emotional conversation with others at any time in the day. I am now such a deep thinker, reader, writer all while keeping a clear head and my emotions in check.

2) My Kids- Although they never really said it to me, my alcoholism hurt them in so many ways.  The lies, half-truths, lack of sober parenting skills and parade of drunk women hurt them.  Now our relationship is great, I answer their calls, promptly return their texts, we do simple things together and they don't worry about Dad.  They are 18 and 17 now, one going to college in the fall and I am so proud they are mine.

3) Finances- Having a second home in Las Vegas has its challenges and I drunk gambled away a lot of money. Yes, I still bet sports a bit and maybe some video poker, but  within reason.
Its amazing when you don't have a bar tab  or wadded up ATM receipts everyday how much money you can save. I have a finance background and at the end was spending over $10,000 a year on bar tabs, what a waste.

4) Relationships - I finally met someone and got engaged back in February. She is my best friend, my rock and soul mate.  We do great fun things together that do not involve alcohol.  She attends Alannon to gain a better understanding of both herself and me.

5) Stress-  I drank I thought to eliminate business and personal stress, really I have learned I drank due to my disease and all the different stuff in my brain.   I no longer have stress. A perfect example is my upcoming marriage, I am inheriting a 17 and 12 year old and 3 dogs. If you knew me, you would think that would would stress me out. It doesn't plain and simple

6) Alcohol- I absolutely hate it and admit I still loved it when I first left rehab. I have no desire to drink and the sight of drunks just makes me sick. It brings out all sorts of emotions, including guilt, pain, stupidity on my part etc.  I have my escape plans always at the ready because sometimes I have to go to events and drunks are there.  I am now early to attend and early to leave.  I have drawn a line in the sand and my friend group has changed from drunks to either those in recovery, respect my recovery or those who can drink normally.

7) Health- Checked into rehab with a blood pressure of 182/128, sweating and shaking, probably near a stroke or heart attack.  I had the night sweats most every night and people noticed I had the shakes all the time.  My health quickly returned to normal. BP, Heart, etc all are now good to go.  Two years later I still shake occasionally, especially if I have caffeine, shows you how messed up I was.

Thanks for letting me share, for those of you who are new to recovery or struggling, I wish you the best and you can do this, I am

Time For A Different Direction

My last couple of posts in this blog I, have discussed my battle with the beer can or should I say many beer cans. This is not intended to be a blog about sobriety, although I may from time to time post about it.

I have been following up on a plan that has been in my head for quite sometime. When your 53 and have had some business success, it is time to work on something your truly passionate about.  Mine is writing.

Throughout my long banking career, I had to prepare detailed written memorandums typically for loan approval purposes. In my consulting company, I prepare detailed written documents about my clients and their businesses.  But my true passion is sports.

I have recently starting writing for Fansided Talking 12 and a twitter friend's blog TheVegasParlay.com  I am  in discussions to do some technical marketing type writing for a large sports wagering pick site.

Additionally two book projects are going to come to fruition. One is humorous look at my journey out of the booze fog. Its outlined and the first Chapter is done. The second book is a business book targeting small business owners and how to deal with their bank.

I am also stepping up my Twitter game. There are numerous ways to use Twitter, in the right way, including business and marketing. It is amazing what happens when you reach out to a few quality people whom you have followed.

I am blessed to be in a great place in my life, I am not trying to be the next John Gresham or Peter King, just finally working on my passion.

Planning to spend three weeks at my Las Vegas home beginning June 1 or so. Really excited to be there for the wagering opportunities of the NBA, NHL finals and  first ten days or so of the World Cup. I am going to be sitting in my loft looking out my window at the mountains in Red Rock and writing.

Sober for One Year, My Thoughts

Its been almost one year since I last posted to this blog. My last post announced my alcoholism and my stint of thirty three days in rehab. It was not an easy post to write, but I had been kidding myself for a long time.

What a year it has been. I am clean and sober and have been so now for 377 days as of today. Its a challenge, sometimes a struggle but its amazing how much better my life is.

I would be remiss in not thanking my good friend, Barbee, who drove me to a rehabilitation facility in early May of 2013. She has been friend for over ten years as is always a phone call away.

My life has changed in so many ways.

First, I am finally in a normal relationship with an amazing woman whom I have known for over 13 years. She is my best friend, my rock and soul mate. Our relationship is based upon 3 really simple principles. Romance, Compassion and Fun. We have all three everyday.

My relationship with my kids has improved significantly. They are 17 and 16 now, both drive and are doing well in high school. They will be a senior and a junior next year. While I feel good about being a divorced dad with them for now almost 13 years, I still carry guilt. I was a drunk dad on too many occasions.  Now there are no more lies and my time with them is no longer centered around Dad drinking beer. I am honored to call them Adam and Carlie and am blessed they put up with my bullshit.

My health has improved dramatically. I did not realize it but I was close to stroke, heart problems or even death. My cure for the shakes was just to drink them away . I still shake occasionally, just shows how bad I was. My liver numbers are good, my blood pressure is well in line, I am working out regularly and am not on any medication.

I quit playing live poker and I do not not miss it. Poker equaled drinking beer for me, lots of it. I have poker talent but I drank it away. I lost thousands of dollars at the poker table by playing drunk and making horrendous poker decisions while under the influence. I cant even go to a $10 bar league poker tournament, it just disgusts me.  I do play some legal online poker when in Nevada and still love the game. But I play in a safe environment, from the comfort of my couch.

There are a lot of people I hurt, seriously its a really long list. To all I will make amends. I am better now. To those of you who doubted me, we are no longer friends.

Finally for you, Alcohol, I hate you. I think I still loved you when I first got sober. Its over now, your smell disgusts me, the things I see you do to people hurts me. Sloppy drunk women used to turn me on, now its gross. Watching people who get whacked out drunk makes me want to throw up. Your evil for me and you know it, but I am better than you.

Sober Poker

First blog in a very long time.  One of the things they teach in rehab is to journal and write down your thoughts.

Long story short, I went to rehab on May 5, 2013 and did 33 days. It was a long time coming. Now sober 47 days. I am a binge beer drinker, cant just have one. One of my big faults was playing cash and/or tourneys live and drinking beer the whole time. This leads to some very poor poker and life decision making and as the beer flows a really loose aggressive style develops in both. They teach you in rehab to do a cost benefit analysis of your using. Obviously some poker losses are on my list.

I am not hear to preach sobriety or not, its your choice, its just one I had to make.

I played sober poker for the first time in several years this week. Made a very quick trip to Vegas to check on my house and to also check myself on this playing sober thing. I am giving up a lot for sobriety but poker wont be one of them.

I had two my best cash sessions of the year, winning a total of seven buy ins in the 1/2 cash games at Venetian. Fairly comical when the cocktail waitresses are asking why I don't want a Coors Light.  I also free rolled the WSOP daily Deep Stack with not any success busting at the 600/1200/200 level.

During the Deep Stack, a girl at my table offered to buy the table shots. I blurted out "No thank you, I just got out of rehab."  The guy next to me gives me a high five and the seven seats says "I still want your chips" It was really funny.

I think I can do this and will be on the felt grinding life daily.

Another Gross Hand/No Way To Get Away

Just another in a series of beats, but no way I get away from this

Fairly swingy 1/3 game at Aria with about $3K on the table, I am doing very well in the game with $700 in my stack, Villain has $600.

On the button with only one limper, I have J9 Clubs , I raise to $12 , blinds fold and limper calls, pot is $27.

Flop is JJ9 rainbow, Bingo, Home Run, the nuts etc. Limper(Villain) bets $25 and I raise to $75, just wanting to end it there, hoping to dodge a turn /river card that hits an over pair, potential straight flush draws or a nine if he has 99 and flopped bottom set..Villain flats, Pot now totals $167.

Turn is a 2 which is no help. Limper bets another $50, I go to $150, Limper pushes his stack in and I call. Total pot roughly $1300.

Villain flips J10 and you know what happens next , a 10 on the river , Jacks over ten's v My Jack's over nines'. This game will kill you sometimes.

Long Time No Blog

Its been over two months since I have blogged. Dont know why, but time for an update.

In terms of poker, I have been really focusing on fine tuning my cash game skills and have made the move up from 1/2 to 2/5 NL, although I still play the deeper buy in 1/2 or 3 games at Venetian and Aria. Usually play 1/2 at Red Rock because it across the street from home and the 2/5 game is typically full and in my opinion very solid. Happy to report that I was up 12.5 buy ins for November.

Won a monster pot at Aria , getting lucky in a 2/5 game when I got involved in a three way all in spot with Aces V Kings V Queens. I had the King's and flopped a King which held up. Massive 4.5 buy in pot.

On the tournament scene, really haven't been playing many but did 9 way chip chop the Venetain noon daily.

The room at Aria is really growing on me. Its really action packed , great service and management. The only downside I see is the valet is convient but horribly slow and the self park is a complicated at best.

Besides my kids, the best thing happening in my life lately is some well needed weight loss. I am big guy at 6'5" and big boned back from my football days. Unfortunately, playing a lot of poker while at a table or in front of a computer screen is not a form of exercise. I found my clothes getting tight and my waistline expanded. While I was going to see my friends at 24 Hour fitness at least 4 times a week, I found my eating habits had become really poor.

On October 10, I made the lifestyle change, no more cokes, fast food , high calorie snacks, switched to Ultra when I have a beer etc. Trying to stay to a strict 1250 calorie per day diet. Also increased my weekly workouts to five per week and increased my cardio to 45 minutes per session. Proud to report that I am down 22 pounds and 3 inches in the waist. Pants/Shorts are getting baggy. 14 more pounds to go and once I make the key will be continued maintenance to keep the weight off.

Enough for now and good luck on the felt.

North Texas Championships at Winstar

In 2009, one of the largest tournament overlays in the US was the $3,000,000 guarantee at Winstar in Thackerville, Oklahoma. The overlay was something like $600,000 on a 2100 buy-in Main Event. This casino is huge and lies roughly 70 miles north of DFW Airport. This room dominates the Oklahoma and North Texas markets and has about 45 tables. During the day mid-week it is not uncommon to see 20 cash games going. Weekends are jammed packed. I have had a love hate relationship with the place as mentioned in previous blogs.

They are currently in the middle of what this year is now a $3,000,000 guaranteed series which includes a $2,500,000 Main Event. They aligned themselves with Greg Raymer this year after it was scheduled. Fossilman is definitely one of the nice guys in poker.

They have been getting really good Venetian Deep Stack quality numbers for there prelims. Registration is goofy with it opening at 9AM on the day of the event with an 11AM start.

So this morning at 845AM I find myself standing in a 300 person line to register for a $330 50,000 guarantee. Twenty minutes later I am in and have almost two hours to kill. No computerized registration system, pay, show a players card, get a wristband, get a seat plaque. To management, go to the Venetian of WSOP see how it works, buy a software program.

I am home at 4PM so obviously it didn't go well. Chipped up to about 10K from the starting 5K, busted two short stacks with what were really fairly easy calls. Lost T3700 with a 10 high flush to a Queen high flush.

Bust out hand was fairly standard, have queens in middle position and raise 3X, two flatters, flop is 222, checked around, turn is a 7, I jam for 25 big blinds and of course, one of the players has aces. Nice flat with the aces, every heard of three betting. On tilt at this point, but it to will pass.